My heart broke over and over again as I watched him fade away. My world collapsed in on itself as I struggled to keep my own head above water. A war was raging inside of him and I was being dragged into a battle that was not mine.
I did everything I could to help- I encouraged, I loved, I supported, I cheered. And when that didn’t work, I shamed, I begged, and I pleaded.
But I’m not that powerful.
I was under the impression that there was some magic button, some trick, something that I could do to flip the switch inside him and fix him. I thought I wasn’t supporting him the right way, or encouraging him enough or stressing the damage it was doing to him, our marriage and our family. I thought it was me.
I thought it was my failure. I thought it was my shortcoming. I thought it was my inadequacy. But it was not. Ownership of his problem was not my responsibility. His demons were not mine to fight.
So I gave it back
I gave back what was not mine to carry. The burden I had taken on to lighten the load for someone else was not doing anything to help them and was doing a whole lot to hurt me.
I stopped trying to fix it. I stopped taking responsibility for it. I stepped back and acknowledged what was mine to carry.
In reality, it was me giving it back to him, where it belongs. You can fix all you like, but until someone is ready to fix it for themselves, your actions are all for not. You can’t be there to babysit, every minute of every day. They will eventually have to make decisions without you and it will be up to them to choose.
Do yourself a favor today and give back what’s not yours. Free yourself from the burden of carrying other people’s problems.
You HAVE power and control, but it only goes as far as you- your world, your choices, who you keep in your circle, what you fill your brain with.
When I learned and accepted that, I was finally able to find peace and understand not to take other people’s choices personally. Their choices have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.
