I hope it’s enough.
I hope when you grow up and look back at your childhood, you find more love in those days than chaos.
I hope you remember baking chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen with me, sneaking raw cookie dough, more than you remember me nagging you about picking up your dirty clothes.
I hope you remember hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire more than you remember me making you go to bed early on a school night.
I hope you remember school dances when I was your date. We didn’t care who was watching because we love music and dancing. Thankfully, long before you would be embarrassed by busting a move with your mom.
I hope you remember tent camping trips, when it was just the three of us, and think your mom was brave and cool for taking you on such an awesome adventure.
I hope you remember looking up on youtube how to tie a tie, the year you dressed up as Harry Potter and neither of us knew how.
I hope you remember Christmas in our tiny apartment, when I was learning how to do it all on my own, even though it had already felt like that for a long time.
I hope you remember, because I do. I remember so many things. I remember the hard times.
I remember our old life, the fights, the things I wish you never had to see, wanting a better life for you, for us. I hope you know I did it for you, for me, for your brother.
I had to choose. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
So when you look back at your childhood and all you went through, I hope this point is clear. I love you. I love you with everything I have. I’m trying my best to be the best mom I can through all the hard times. I hope the one constant you see is me, that I am always here for you, that I am your perfectly imperfect mom and I love you more than you will ever know.
