Recently a friend said to me, “You make it look so easy.”
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She was referring to me nursing my 8 month old baby, snuggled up in his baby carrier, ergobaby is my must have as a mom, at my oldest son’s outdoor basketball tournament.
I let her in on a little secret. It’s not easy.
From her perspective, she saw a successful nursing journey- 8 months going strong. She was comparing it to the struggles she had faced nursing her daughter. She herself remembered the early days and how hard she tried but just couldn’t make it work. She saw me standing there with my baby, nursing at 8 months old and marveled at the success.
In that moment, I chose to be real, and honest. If you’re a friend of mine or plan to come along with me on this journey, be prepared, I will be honest.
I openly shared with her that nursing had been very hard for us. From the very first time I nursed my youngest son, I knew something was wrong.
Behind the scenes of that 8 month old nestled in his carrier nursing had been two oral surgeries, painful nursing sessions, issues with his weight gain, appointments with a lactation consultant, weekly and biweekly weight checks with his pediatrician and many, many tears, bottles and pumping.
There were so many times I cried wondering why this was so hard. I cried when his bilirubin levels spiked and I opted to give him a few ounces of formula.
I sat in the passenger seat of the car on the way to my son’s baseball game, stared out the window as tears rolled down my cheeks, upset that I had to pack a bottle of formula after using my last bag of pumped milk that morning. (For the Medela breast milk bags I use click here)
I lost faith in myself. I struggled to trust my body to do what it needed to do to feed my baby. My heart ached for the loving nursing relationship I was trying to create with my son. Nursing had morphed into something else completely. I felt fear, anxiety, and stress around something I had originally felt so confident in.
I felt defeated.
There will be those times. You will have those moments. Moments you wonder why this is so hard. Moments you feel like giving up.
Endure.
Figure out what in your life is worth fighting for and endure. Do the hard things, put in the work. Find resources. Learn. Trust the process.
What is it? What’s that thing for you? That hard thing you wish you were better at or that you feel like you just can’t do?
Do it. Keep doing it. Even when it’s bumpy in the beginning, even when it’s ugly, even when it’s not what you envisioned.
This blog? It’s bumpy. It’s a work in progress. It’s a fraction of the vision I have in my mind. But, I’m proud to say that even though it’s not perfect, I am doing it.
Someday, someone will be looking at YOU and thinking, “Wow, she makes it look so easy.”
