Once upon a time, I thought it was my job to help.
Once upon a time, I thought it was my job to fix.
Once upon a time, I was not focused on myself.
I’ve walked into a dark room, my loved one swallowed up by blankets, hiding from the world, shaking and shivering. I watched in agony knowing that they were suffering the consequences of their own actions, yet for years, I entertained the thought that I had any control over the situation.
I knew what the problem was and I knew how to fix it, if they would just listen.
Taking care of others is a skill I have mastered
Anticipating the needs of people around me is second nature. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to try and solve everyone’s problems before they even happen? Of course you do, because if you’re like me, that’s what you’re trying to do, whether you realize it or not.
My caretaking skills in practice were me trying to be the best mom and partner I could be, however, years of counseling guided me to understand that those behaviors were doing me more harm than good.
I was trying to make everyone else’s life as comfortable as possible
Where’s the problem in that, right?
Well, I can’t always be around to handle everything. I can’t be everywhere at once.
I might be at the grocery store when my kid has to figure out how to manage his time to get himself ready, pack his sports bag and get to his practice on time.
I won’t be there every minute of the day to make sure my partner makes safe, healthy choices. I won’t always be there to make sure my loved one puts their seat belt on when they get into the car.
Some of these things have very real consequences, others less so. But the goal here is to understand that as much as we think we know what’s best for others, it is ultimately up to them to make their own life choices.
I have a job to help guide my children how to make these choices, to teach them.
Things will be a little different with my partner. Can I and should I voice my concern about an issue? My opinion- yes, with the understanding that I can respectfully share my feelings, but ultimately it will be their decision to make, whether I’m happy about it or not.
Have I had to endure other people’s life choices that didn’t quite match up with my own? Absolutely. Did I fight and fight and fight for years for some people to see that their way was not working and life would be a whole lot easier if they just did it my way? You betcha.
Allowing people to suffer the consequences of their own actions is a privilege you should not take from them
When I think about life and lessons I’ve learned, the important ones have not come easily. The most challenging things I have conquered in my own life were with true grit, determination and drive of my own free will, not someone else pushing me to do it.
What are you holding onto today that is ultimately out of your control?
Can you allow yourself the freedom to let others make their own choices, even if it makes you unhappy?
If you find yourself walking on someone else’s path, find your way back to your own. That’s where your power lies.
Is it going to be tough to find your way back? Yes.
Will it be challenging to watch others suffer their own consequences? Yes.
It is still challenging for me to live this philosophy.
But how long do you want to continue to drain your energy where it’s not effective?
I lovingly ask you to put all of that energy into the person that deserves your attention, effort, and care- YOU!
