Will you ever enjoy a holiday again?

This isn’t easy to say, but I know there was a point in my marriage when I said I NEVER want to spend another holiday like that again.

I was miserable. Holidays weren’t enjoyable. Everything was stressful. I was constantly on edge.

I tell you this not to brag- but I just had the most amazing Easter with my family.

How did that happen? Because I finally said NO MORE- I will not continue to live my life like this.

I’m now happily divorced.

I spent this Easter with my family, and enjoyed myself. There was no yelling. I didn’t have to worry about anyone not being able to function or causing a scene.

My older sons searched for eggs. We made eggs, sausage, bacon and English muffins for breakfast and ate with my parents. I drove the boys down for a visit with their father. My boyfriend stayed home with our little guy and handled the majority of Easter dinner while we were gone. His grown son came over and played outside with his baby brother. We watched a movie together. We enjoyed the cheesecake, and key lime pie I made for dessert.

And again, I am reminded why I made the decision to leave.

BECAUSE HOLIDAYS CAN LOOK LIKE THIS.

The only way I was personally able to experience this was to leave.

No, it wasn’t easy. I struggled for a long time not knowing if it was the right decision. I didn’t want to break up my family. I didn’t want to be the one to call it quits. It felt like I was the one giving up. It felt like I was failing.

But the last 5 or so years of experiencing holidays on my terms has felt almost like a dream. Holidays are enjoyable again. I’m happy. I count my blessings and am thankful for what I’ve been given- A SECOND CHANCE.

If you’re at the very beginning of that journey, know that I’ve been there too. Maybe you’ve never had unpredictable holidays because you learned early on to set boundaries and protect your peace.

I lived years of birthdays and holidays in my tiny one bedroom apartment with my two sons, spending nights peacefully tucked in to our beds. Finally feeling like I had some control over my life. We didn’t have much but we did have peace.

If you haven’t gotten my Survivor’s Guide, it’s my gift to you It contains things I learned, resources I used and tips that helped me get by when I was first starting out on my own.